I'm a pigeon.

My mom has this habit of feeding sparrows and pigeons. So, I suggested her to tie a small bowl to our window sill, so that birds can come daily and have their food. She did. I love watching how those pigeons fight one another to fit on that window sill and have their tasteless seeds (don’t they get bored of same food?). Few birds wait in a row for their turn to have lunch. I really mean it, I saw few birds waiting for another bird to finish its lunch and it was the most magical thing I ever saw.

Order.

They follow unwritten rules to keep the peace among themselves. Isn’t that beautiful?

--

So, today evening something has happened which is both beautiful and sad simultaneously. How? Lemme narrate this and I hope you have enough patience to listen.

My dad caught one pigeon with his bare hands for me. It’s his one way to show love towards me, also, amusing himself when he gets bored stiff. I was shocked to see that helpless pigeon struggling to get out of my dad’s firm grip. Its beautiful fluffy grey feathers all over the floor (how many days will it take for a full-grown feather? Is that time worthy of my dad’s time pass thing?). I asked him not to hold so tight fearing about its breathing function and its tiny stomach (eh?). My mom was suddenly so enthusiastic to hold it, and me, I was SO goddamn afraid that I’m making the bird afraid of our presence. What will it think about us? Will it think we are bad people? Will it come back again to the same place for food? Did we break its heart by taking away its freedom for few minutes in order to entertain ourselves? So many questions about its freedom. Finally, I can’t help but touch its soft feathers and pet it and say sorry like a million times in my head that my dad caught it to show it to me. I felt sorry that I made it uncomfortable by clipping its wings which are not supposed to. I’m afraid I have made it think “This is it. This is where I die”. Isn’t that a horrible thing to think, if at all it thinks?

After some time, dad decided to tie it with some thread to see how it will behave. My mom brought some of that tasteless seeds worrying about whether it ate properly or not (of course, that bird won’t eat forcibly and I’m pretty sure its appetite is dead by now).

After we tied, it is still trying to free itself and fly away. But, how can you little Jo? (I named it ‘Jo’)

I then started asking questions to her (in my mind, of course).

Do you now understand how it is to be like me in this house? Legs tied and wings clipped?

Do you understand how it feels to be force fed?

How it feels when someone uses you to entertain themselves?

Do you now understand how LUCKY YOU are when compared to me?

After some time, my mom started worrying about that we are worrying the pigeon in this hot weather. So, dad untied its legs to let it fly away and opened the window.

To my surprise, it didn’t fly right away. I thought it would be gone in a Nano-second after we untie it. 

But, no.

It was standing on the sill. Looking or observing something, or may be waiting for its friends or some unknown pigeon to narrate what just happened to it, so that other pigeons will be warned not to come this way to have food anymore (I was afraid about that!). May be it is observing the location not to come this way the next time. On a positive note, I also thought it didn’t think bad about us after all, may be it believed that we won’t do any harm to it since we fed it all these months (I was relieved but anxious).

When I stopped looking and turned my head, it flew away as if it saw something or someone. I wonder if the same pigeon is going to come this way again. Will it dare so?

I guess not.

--

As much as I think about this pigeon, it reminds me of ME, in Delhi. When I had absolute freedom to do things which I always wanted to do. But, now, I can’t.

I’m exactly like that pigeon. It’s both beautiful and sad simultaneously.