Why 13 Reasons Why?

Nah, this post is not about the review of the TV Show “13 Reasons Why”.

There was a lot of hype in the last few weeks for “13 Reasons Why”. Although I had exams, I couldn’t contain my curiosity to start a new series any longer(2 more exams left, easy ones, so excuse me). So, I too joined with them to know what it’s all about. Yes, I knew the show was about a girl who committed suicide. But, I didn’t expect the screenplay to be that way. Mind-blowing. It’s like re-defining the “hunting game” we all played (or still play) during our childhood, but only this time it’s about hunting for the truth. The truth about Hannah’s suicide. Why? Why did she do what she did?

This show has taken over a special place in my heart. Many have said that this show is boring, slow, and depressing. I didn’t find it that way. As I like to read books, a person narrating about their story with their point of view is totally interesting to me. It’s like reading a book about someone’s personal life and that is narrated by the same person we’re reading about.

If we are playing a game called “Tell the antonyms of this or that”, I would probably say “13 Reasons Why” is a total opposite of "Easy A" movie. Just my observation.

Well, the reason why this show has a special place in my heart is because, I had suicide tendencies too. If you follow my blog regularly, you would have read my Suicide Letter by now. Another reason is, a boy in my University recently committed suicide. I don’t know him personally. I didn’t even know a person like that existed in our University until he committed suicide.

Well, I will tell an even more depressing fact than the boy’s suicide in few minutes if you keep reading.

We planned for a farewell party the next day and we were busy decorating the room with all the ribbons, balloons, and posters. The whole day was so beautiful and fun, everyone co-ordinating to do something special for our seniors. And then suddenly, one of our classmates barges in and tells that “some” guy committed suicide. We were like, whaaaaa…t? I couldn’t believe what I heard and I was 98% sure that it could be a rumour. How could such a fun day suddenly turn into a gloomy day? Nah, that’s impossible. It must be a rumour.

But, no. It wasn’t. He really committed suicide and no one has any clue why he did what he did.

There we are, putting up posters which says “Let’s party!” and all of a sudden we hear the “suicide” news. See the irony that life brings you? Well, it was clear that day. Life is full of unexpected ironies like that. You never know when a storm will hit you when you’re quietly enjoying the wind in your hair.

I and one of my classmates have decided to stop the decorations and head back to our hostel since it was pretty late by then. On the way, we still couldn’t believe that the news was true and so we stopped a group of girls, who are practically strangers to us, to know if it was really true. And yes, they confirmed and it sent chills down my spine, to know that a guy ACTUALLY committed suicide when I just had suicide tendencies not more than a year ago.

Nope, I still haven’t come to the worst part yet.

So, me and my classmate were walking back, talking about why and how he could do it when he is in his full 20’s? How would his parents feel about this when they are like 1,8971 Kms away? How would their classmates feel like when they see an empty seat tomorrow in the class? How would their friends feel when they eat in the canteen and he is not with them and not going to be with them forever?

When you think about it, it’s going to affect every single person he ever had any contact with.

So, we reached our rooms and I got freshened up. I was pretty hungry by then so I came to mess to have some food. I was visibly very very sad. Everyone could tell that and everyone was asking if I was okay or not. And one of my other classmates asked too. Let’s call her “A”. This was the conversation between us:

A: Hey!

Me: Heyy…

A: Are you okay? You look so sad!

Me: Yeah, I am, you know, the suicide…

(she walks off giving some kind of expression meaning that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore)

*She invites me to her table after few minutes, and I go*

A: So, you okay now?

Me: I am. I will be.

A: You know… we actually should form a group and go and talk to Vice Chancellor if they decide to postpone our exams due to this suicide. And, what about tomorrow's party?

*I was literally yelling at her in my mind. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT EXAMS, NOW? WHO EVEN TALKED ABOUT POSTPONING EXAMS? AND, PARTY!!?? ARE YOU SERIOUS? OF COURSE, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN CONCERNS BUT GIVE IT A DAY AT LEAST! A BOY JUST COMMITTED SUICIDE FFS!*

But actually, I just asked: Doesn’t this affect you in any way?

A: No. Why should it? Who is he to me? (and she shrugs her shoulders) *with an expression so convoluted as if I asked the most stupidest question ever*

--

Nope. I’m not exaggerating and I’m not even paraphrasing our conversation. I could still hear this conversation ringing in my ears whenever I think about it as clear as the day.

And, that’s it. I lost it. How can a suicide not affect you? How can a whole person who has vanished from earth, not affect you? How can you NOT think about others who could over-hear you is probably his classmate? You have walked the same roads he has walked before, you are going to eat in the same canteen he ate all these days. How can that not be profound enough for you? Could you at least have some respect for the dead?

Ugh!

The disgust I had for her that day is, I can’t even put it in words. All I could say is, whenever I see her from that day on, my whole body, literally hates her. Not just my mind, EVERY organ in my body HATES her for the words uttered by her.

So yeah, that’s the worst thing I ever heard in my whole life. That is why, I could connect to “13 Reasons Why” more than anyone could.

Oh btw, I am just 3 episodes in to this show when I wrote this.

What is the rudest thing you have ever done?

So like, this question was posted on Quora and I have answered it long back but now felt like sharing it on my blog although I feel silly about this and also my blog is eerily silent now a days without any personal posts. So here you go.

My mom and dad come from a very poor family. They don't have 0.5% of the luxuries which I am enjoying right now. Especially, my mom didn't have enough food in their large family of 7 members. She wasn't lucky with studies either. As she didn't have proper education and since she needs to work and study at the same time, she discontinued her studies after 9th grade.

But, thanks to her luck that she found the most handsome and down-to-earth person in the world to marry. My father too comes from a very poor family background. He used to work as a coolie to pay his college fees (his brother and his dad used to work too but that wasn't suffice to feed the whole family of 6 members) and all that. Now, he is in a very good position that he doesn't think twice when I asked if I could pursue my studies in abroad.

So, I was in my 6th grade and that summer, my parents decided to take me to this famous exhibition which was going on in Hyderabad(we used stay in a town at that time and a trip to Hyderabad costs us pretty much). Like a kid I am, I used to throw tantrums "I want this! I want that!". My dad, however, doesn't say no to me because its just once in a year that we go to Hyderabad for such trips and likes to spend as much as he could. But, mom, you know how moms are when it comes to "saving money". At the end of the day, its me who wins at getting things done.

So, we bought this delicious wafers which was in chocolate flavor among other food items and some other things which was needed for my education.

One day, I decided to eat the wafers all by myself. You have NO idea how tasty they were and my taste buds could still remember that taste! So, I go running and was yelling at top of my voice telling that I have eaten the wafers without leaving anything.

Mom: WHAT!? You ate everything without sharing with me? How could you do that? We only go once in a year or once in two years and I don't get anything to taste! At least a tiny bit of it!? I do all this work and you can't even think of sharing it with me?

Me: ...

I mentioned that our family comes from a poor background cuz she never had a chance to taste different food items. And, when she has at times like that, it was me who didn't share it with her.

I didn't cry that day. But, that moment froze in my mind like forever! Even today I feel SO bad (I even cried few times) for not sharing at least a tiny bit of what we bought from the city. She does all the hard work without complaining ever. She roamed with me for an entire 4-5 hours in that exhibition and I didn't show even a tiny bit of gratitude towards her. I know I am a child and I couldnt think of "sharing" with someone else, but, I was rude to her, wasn't I? I still remember the anger and helplessness on her face. Whenever I think of this incident it breaks my heart and that I couldn't share that delicious wafer with her and that I could never see the happiness in her eyes for sharing it with her.

After that day, I have learnt a lesson about "sharing". I never ever ate something without asking my mom whether she likes to have it or not. Sometimes, I even force her to just to taste because I am trying to compensate for the mistake I have done years ago. I know she wouldn't remember that day, but I feel so sad even today for robbing her off having small pleasure like tasting a wafer.

Well, this all seems so silly now after writing a long para but that's the only rudest thing I could think of. -_-