Why 13 Reasons Why?

Nah, this post is not about the review of the TV Show “13 Reasons Why”.

There was a lot of hype in the last few weeks for “13 Reasons Why”. Although I had exams, I couldn’t contain my curiosity to start a new series any longer(2 more exams left, easy ones, so excuse me). So, I too joined with them to know what it’s all about. Yes, I knew the show was about a girl who committed suicide. But, I didn’t expect the screenplay to be that way. Mind-blowing. It’s like re-defining the “hunting game” we all played (or still play) during our childhood, but only this time it’s about hunting for the truth. The truth about Hannah’s suicide. Why? Why did she do what she did?

This show has taken over a special place in my heart. Many have said that this show is boring, slow, and depressing. I didn’t find it that way. As I like to read books, a person narrating about their story with their point of view is totally interesting to me. It’s like reading a book about someone’s personal life and that is narrated by the same person we’re reading about.

If we are playing a game called “Tell the antonyms of this or that”, I would probably say “13 Reasons Why” is a total opposite of "Easy A" movie. Just my observation.

Well, the reason why this show has a special place in my heart is because, I had suicide tendencies too. If you follow my blog regularly, you would have read my Suicide Letter by now. Another reason is, a boy in my University recently committed suicide. I don’t know him personally. I didn’t even know a person like that existed in our University until he committed suicide.

Well, I will tell an even more depressing fact than the boy’s suicide in few minutes if you keep reading.

We planned for a farewell party the next day and we were busy decorating the room with all the ribbons, balloons, and posters. The whole day was so beautiful and fun, everyone co-ordinating to do something special for our seniors. And then suddenly, one of our classmates barges in and tells that “some” guy committed suicide. We were like, whaaaaa…t? I couldn’t believe what I heard and I was 98% sure that it could be a rumour. How could such a fun day suddenly turn into a gloomy day? Nah, that’s impossible. It must be a rumour.

But, no. It wasn’t. He really committed suicide and no one has any clue why he did what he did.

There we are, putting up posters which says “Let’s party!” and all of a sudden we hear the “suicide” news. See the irony that life brings you? Well, it was clear that day. Life is full of unexpected ironies like that. You never know when a storm will hit you when you’re quietly enjoying the wind in your hair.

I and one of my classmates have decided to stop the decorations and head back to our hostel since it was pretty late by then. On the way, we still couldn’t believe that the news was true and so we stopped a group of girls, who are practically strangers to us, to know if it was really true. And yes, they confirmed and it sent chills down my spine, to know that a guy ACTUALLY committed suicide when I just had suicide tendencies not more than a year ago.

Nope, I still haven’t come to the worst part yet.

So, me and my classmate were walking back, talking about why and how he could do it when he is in his full 20’s? How would his parents feel about this when they are like 1,8971 Kms away? How would their classmates feel like when they see an empty seat tomorrow in the class? How would their friends feel when they eat in the canteen and he is not with them and not going to be with them forever?

When you think about it, it’s going to affect every single person he ever had any contact with.

So, we reached our rooms and I got freshened up. I was pretty hungry by then so I came to mess to have some food. I was visibly very very sad. Everyone could tell that and everyone was asking if I was okay or not. And one of my other classmates asked too. Let’s call her “A”. This was the conversation between us:

A: Hey!

Me: Heyy…

A: Are you okay? You look so sad!

Me: Yeah, I am, you know, the suicide…

(she walks off giving some kind of expression meaning that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore)

*She invites me to her table after few minutes, and I go*

A: So, you okay now?

Me: I am. I will be.

A: You know… we actually should form a group and go and talk to Vice Chancellor if they decide to postpone our exams due to this suicide. And, what about tomorrow's party?

*I was literally yelling at her in my mind. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT EXAMS, NOW? WHO EVEN TALKED ABOUT POSTPONING EXAMS? AND, PARTY!!?? ARE YOU SERIOUS? OF COURSE, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN CONCERNS BUT GIVE IT A DAY AT LEAST! A BOY JUST COMMITTED SUICIDE FFS!*

But actually, I just asked: Doesn’t this affect you in any way?

A: No. Why should it? Who is he to me? (and she shrugs her shoulders) *with an expression so convoluted as if I asked the most stupidest question ever*

--

Nope. I’m not exaggerating and I’m not even paraphrasing our conversation. I could still hear this conversation ringing in my ears whenever I think about it as clear as the day.

And, that’s it. I lost it. How can a suicide not affect you? How can a whole person who has vanished from earth, not affect you? How can you NOT think about others who could over-hear you is probably his classmate? You have walked the same roads he has walked before, you are going to eat in the same canteen he ate all these days. How can that not be profound enough for you? Could you at least have some respect for the dead?

Ugh!

The disgust I had for her that day is, I can’t even put it in words. All I could say is, whenever I see her from that day on, my whole body, literally hates her. Not just my mind, EVERY organ in my body HATES her for the words uttered by her.

So yeah, that’s the worst thing I ever heard in my whole life. That is why, I could connect to “13 Reasons Why” more than anyone could.

Oh btw, I am just 3 episodes in to this show when I wrote this.

Second day - Hampi

We lazily woke up at 8 in the morning. I was still feeling sleepy as we got out of our room to explore Hampi. I love my morning tea but I make sure to avoid having tea when I am outside my home cuz I have high expectations on tea and no one could make one like my mom. But, somehow I gave in to this morning drowsiness and had a tea just a few steps outside our room. I guess, that guy is one among very few people I came across in my entire life who is very close to making tea JUST like my mom. How many people you can find in your life who can make something JUST like your mom? It’s rare. That made my morning.

Other than books and tea, the one thing I can’t resist is beautiful hats! As we were wandering through Hampi Bazaar, my eyes fell on this beautiful white hat adorned with blue and pink nylon strip. I fell in love with it and I had to have that immediately! Believe me, purchasing that hat helped me a lot with the sun everywhere I went. :D

By this time, I was pretty hungry and searching for a good place to eat. People usually tend to have breakfast under shade, a nice hotel with a stable roof over them or a place where there were too many people which makes you think that food tastes really good there cuz too many people are there in one place. But, we came across this woman who has a small stall with only dosa, idly, and tea to offer. My friend who is from North is a fan of Dosas. :P So we both agreed up on eating dosas for 

breakfast.

I am telling you, if you go to Hampi, this is the best place to have Dosas. She makes authentic dosas, not the usual hotel made dosas, with very good chutney and aloo to the side. We had enough dosas to last for an entire day. :P

Let me skip the details about the architecture of Hampi and what to see and what not to see cuz many people on the internet already have a lot of suggestions for you.

But, please DO NOT miss the sunset from Hemakuta Hill’s sunset point. It was so magnificently beautiful that I felt like melting away with sun and be a part of the twilight with so many colors in the sky. It was so stunningly beautiful and calm to be present at that point that am sure nobody could describe you about the intensity of that beautiful place and you MUST see it with your own eyes.

--

When we went inside Virupaksha Temple, one interesting thing happened. We became so thirsty climbing up all the rocks and climbing down again and walking on our foot to visit all the temples that we finished almost 2-3 bottles of water. There were so many monkeys in and around the temple, walking, jumping, and playing among humans without any fear. One monkey was sitting and just minding its own business. My friend thought he should have some fun and was trying to disturb it. Suddenly it tried to grab the bottle from our bag and I thought it is just making a retort because of my friend. Later, we thought it could be thirsty and that was its gesture to ask for some water. So, I saw this coconut piece shaped like a bowl and asked my friend to put water in it so that it can sip the water easily.

But what it did was to pour the water from the coconut piece on the ground and started drinking that way. What a beautiful uncivilized one. :D Here I am trying to teach some manners to it. :P

I will be visiting Hampi again in the future to explore more and to see the beautiful sunset just one more time. :)

First Day

How do I start? Where do I start?

People in my life usually ask me this question, “What is the best thing that happened to you in your life? What is that memory which you want to hold on to?”

I guess, now I have the answer. Nothing in my life happened so significantly that I could point out my finger to. Of course, there were many events before, that changed my life, but those warm memories that people look back to, and those beautiful happy moments which you want to hold on to forever, those things have happened in these 15 days.

I’m so glad I took this trip. I think a better part of mine has changed completely after this. Let’s see how much I can talk about these days on my blog.

--

First day:

I said goodbye to my roomies, I was sure as hell that I will be missing them as soon as I step out of the hostel cuz they were all the company I got in this world 24/7, when I needed them the most and even when I didn’t need them at all. :P

That was my first time wearing a backpack. Wildcraft karakoram, 60L. Friend suggested that I buy that one because this is going to be a long trip.

I felt so glad that we were going to travel in a car just after wearing the backpack cuz I was walking like a drunkard with a big load on my back. I underestimated it to be 5-6 kilos, and when my friend saw it, he told it weighs at least 15-17 kilos.

OH MY GOD. I felt like Karnam Malleswari. :P

My friend started in his car from Ahmedabad 2 days back and spent a night in Pune at his friend’s house. I knew he would look like one of those people who are sucked out of life after a long drive from Pune to Gulbarga. And yes, he looked the exact replica of what I imagined him to be. Sucked out of life, scraggy, hair and beard seemed like he didn’t comb for 10 days, sleep deprived. I was happy to see him although I couldn’t express my emotions as always because I got so better at hiding them that it feels like am faking my happiness if I ever tried to show it. I asked whether he slept properly or not in these 2-3 days of journey and he stated as a matter of fact “No. I didn’t.” I felt so sorry. We started from Gulbarga right away and didn’t talk much for good 10-15 minutes. I was overwhelmed at the thoughts running in my mind, about how much could change in these 15 days, how many different people I am going to meet, what all different conversations I am going to get myself involved in, how long I can hold a conversation with another person, how am going to live in a place where no one knows my name, my face, my religion, my past. Every thought was running in my mind with light speed and all I could do was breathe slowly. Thank god, my friend finally started talking.

We reached this unknown village just about time for sunset. There were so many beautiful hills around and all I could do was gaze and appreciate how perfect the nature is. We decided to climb a small rocky hill to have a better view of sunset. So we asked the villager if we could climb the hill or not and as we don’t know kannada, we managed to agree that we actually could climb the “gadda” (“hill” in kannada).

That was my first time climbing any kind of rocky hill of that high! It was not easy. I was panting heavily and almost out of breath as we reached half way of the hill. I even wanted to turn back but my OCD stopped me. I wanted to finish what I started and everything was worth it.

The sunset was SO beautiful that day! It’s been so long that I am surrounded by so much beauty around me. The whole village and the fields were spread as far as my eye could see. I was like, “How lucky are these people who live here and could enjoy the serenity of nature, away from city noise.”

Before we started retreating, I saw this smooth path down the hill that we didn’t know about while climbing up the hill. How could we miss it? Well, I guess that’s what the life is about. We see things more clearly once we reach our goal, the top. We would analyse, “oh wish I took this path…it was more or less easier than the way I took”. But, would it be worth? Would we appreciate the journey after reaching the top if we took any other path than the one we were destined to take? I guess, it’s a no.

Do you know what’s the hardest part of climbing a hill is? It is climbing down the hill without slipping on any rock. And yeah, I had a pretty nasty scar on my left hand cuz I slipped down. First, I thought it was nothing cuz it was SO small that it didn’t hurt at all but it grew on me like this thorn stuck in my left hand that even a little strong wind blowing through my left hand could hurt like hell. It lasted almost my whole trip! 15 days!

It was almost dark by the time we made it to our car. On the way, we waved to this group of women in that village and they waved back with all the sweet giggles! That was one of the happiest moment which is going to be stuck at the back of my mind.

We started to Hampi and I saw one of the clearest skies ever after SO long time that I could see all the constellations I wanted to see like ever! Without the city lights around us, I was totally in bliss looking at the sky, looking at the Orion belt, looking at the Jupiter! It was a beautiful long drive I ever experienced!

We reached to Hampi at exactly 12 in the midnight. We were worried about getting a room cuz it was too late by the time we reached. But, as we entered Hampi, two guys approached us asking “Room chahiye madam? Room chahiye Sir?” Well, I was relieved hearing that cuz I started to worry about safety late at night.

We finally entered to one guest house and the guy asked us to pay 1300/- for a night! Wtf? What for? The room was not even that big and we only need some space to sleep cuz we wouldn’t even stay in the room since we will be out roaming. We finally agreed up on 800/- per night. Even that seemed a lot to me. If only we made it to Hampi by 6pm or so.

Well, that was my first day. I did something which I never imagined I would do. I saw something so beautiful after so long. All I could think of was “Life is beautiful”. :)

What is the rudest thing you have ever done?

So like, this question was posted on Quora and I have answered it long back but now felt like sharing it on my blog although I feel silly about this and also my blog is eerily silent now a days without any personal posts. So here you go.

My mom and dad come from a very poor family. They don't have 0.5% of the luxuries which I am enjoying right now. Especially, my mom didn't have enough food in their large family of 7 members. She wasn't lucky with studies either. As she didn't have proper education and since she needs to work and study at the same time, she discontinued her studies after 9th grade.

But, thanks to her luck that she found the most handsome and down-to-earth person in the world to marry. My father too comes from a very poor family background. He used to work as a coolie to pay his college fees (his brother and his dad used to work too but that wasn't suffice to feed the whole family of 6 members) and all that. Now, he is in a very good position that he doesn't think twice when I asked if I could pursue my studies in abroad.

So, I was in my 6th grade and that summer, my parents decided to take me to this famous exhibition which was going on in Hyderabad(we used stay in a town at that time and a trip to Hyderabad costs us pretty much). Like a kid I am, I used to throw tantrums "I want this! I want that!". My dad, however, doesn't say no to me because its just once in a year that we go to Hyderabad for such trips and likes to spend as much as he could. But, mom, you know how moms are when it comes to "saving money". At the end of the day, its me who wins at getting things done.

So, we bought this delicious wafers which was in chocolate flavor among other food items and some other things which was needed for my education.

One day, I decided to eat the wafers all by myself. You have NO idea how tasty they were and my taste buds could still remember that taste! So, I go running and was yelling at top of my voice telling that I have eaten the wafers without leaving anything.

Mom: WHAT!? You ate everything without sharing with me? How could you do that? We only go once in a year or once in two years and I don't get anything to taste! At least a tiny bit of it!? I do all this work and you can't even think of sharing it with me?

Me: ...

I mentioned that our family comes from a poor background cuz she never had a chance to taste different food items. And, when she has at times like that, it was me who didn't share it with her.

I didn't cry that day. But, that moment froze in my mind like forever! Even today I feel SO bad (I even cried few times) for not sharing at least a tiny bit of what we bought from the city. She does all the hard work without complaining ever. She roamed with me for an entire 4-5 hours in that exhibition and I didn't show even a tiny bit of gratitude towards her. I know I am a child and I couldnt think of "sharing" with someone else, but, I was rude to her, wasn't I? I still remember the anger and helplessness on her face. Whenever I think of this incident it breaks my heart and that I couldn't share that delicious wafer with her and that I could never see the happiness in her eyes for sharing it with her.

After that day, I have learnt a lesson about "sharing". I never ever ate something without asking my mom whether she likes to have it or not. Sometimes, I even force her to just to taste because I am trying to compensate for the mistake I have done years ago. I know she wouldn't remember that day, but I feel so sad even today for robbing her off having small pleasure like tasting a wafer.

Well, this all seems so silly now after writing a long para but that's the only rudest thing I could think of. -_-

One Part Woman - Review

Kali and Ponna are one dream couple that every wife and husband dreams to have such intimacy between them. Nothing can keep them apart, not even when Kali teases his wife saying that he will go away with another woman. But, one problem is brewing between that happy couple and its eating them away every day.

The efforts to conceive a child have been in vain since more than 10 years.

Set in a sleepy town somewhere in Tamilnadu, this story gives you an insight about how Indian society treats a married couple if the woman cannot have a child in less than 2 years of marriage. 

With Ponna being called as a “barren woman” since she cannot give birth to a child, her friend circle has come down to almost naught. She secludes herself to home and finds warmth in her husband’s hugs at night. She cries to sleep when she cannot take all the insinuations made by people.

With characters like Uncle Nallupayyan and Muthu, brother-in-law of Kali, you are transformed into a world of conservative families where Untouchability still exists and higher castes are given all the privilege.

All their hopes of conceiving a child comes down to one so called chariot festival which takes place in the temple of Ardhanareeswara, the half-female god. On the fourteenth day of the festival, all the rules are made lenient and consensual union between any man and woman is sanctioned.

But, the ultimate test to the married couple is put forth when Kali is still deciding on this option but their family conspires to take the only chance to have a child without involving Kali in their decision.

Glad that I came across this banned book when Twitter readers are celebrating #BannedBooksWeek. 

Sea of Poppies - Review

Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh

We all have watched many British era’s movies and marveled at the rich history our India holds even then. Anyone of you ever imagined yourself living in such an epic era and felt the desire to experience those intense moments where India’s future is going to be decided?

I have.

And this is the novel I am going to suggest you if you ever have such thoughts again. An intricate work of characters, with all the details which are not too much and not too less. Amitav Ghosh proved himself to be an extraordinary writer through this remarkable novel.

Although a work of fiction, it gently reveals the history of India during 1830’s of British rule. How

Opium used to be an important trade for British Empire during 19th century. Amitav pays a great attention towards the language and slangs used among people which brings the characters alive and thriving in each and every page. With the culture, the smells, the white people who ruled Indians, and Opium being the vital part of this book, you’ll never stop turning pages of the first book in Ibis Trilogy.

Aboard the Ibis, you’re going to get transported into a world of colonialism with a group of sailors and escapees, coolies and convicts as it sails down the Hooghly on its way to Mareech or Mauritius Islands. A book with a web of beautifully interlocking stories and characters. With Ibis as its bearer, people aboard journeying across the Indian Ocean will come across the Black Water and an inevitable fate is awaiting them.

A definite page-turner. As you come to an end of Poppies, you’ll thank god that this is only the first installment of Ibis Trilogy which means there is more to come. Enjoy this grand novel of ordinary lives with extraordinary tales; of rich and panoramic narration of a story.

Norwegian Wood - Review

Where do I start talking about this beautiful gossamer novel? I feel so tiny to describe something so amazing which has happened to me in these few days. Murakami sure knows how to twist and turn those emotions which you chose to ignore and bury deep down in your heart. This book will amplify your hazy memories of teenage. Your love. Your crush. Those deep questions you asked yourself when you were in your teens: ‘What is going to happen to me in the future?’ ‘What is life and death?’ ‘Why does everyone seem like knowing what they are going to do with their life but I feel like I know shit!?’

Norwegian Wood made me feel nostalgic. Sometimes sad, sometimes happy, but most of the time I felt good just lingering with my memories; they felt like the dew drops on a freshly cut grass in my backyard after a drizzle of rain.

One more important thing was that I didn’t just connect to the protagonist, but I could connect with every character in this book. May be not wholly, but at least in pieces. Get what I mean? Yeah. By the time I got accustomed to the characters, and started enjoying the background described in the book, I felt an intense desire to make friendship with these characters in the book. Those limpid souls just struck the right chord in my heart and I don’t want them to stop playing that soft music which started soothing my heart. I didn’t want to stop reading it.

I wish the book never ended. That is the problem with good books. When you finish, you feel like you’re reborn and never want to turn your head from that phase of life. You wish life stopped then and there.

“You make it obvious you don’t care whether people like you or not. That makes some people angry.”

Not only that you connect to this on a spiritual level, you can even relate these characters with the people from your life. And, I’ve a friend who is just like the quote I mentioned above from the book.

I wish I were a character in this book. It contains characters which have beautifully twisted minds and hearts you'll ever come across. Don't miss it.